We've Moved!

My blog reached the picture limit! Sadly, I can no longer post pictures on this blog. So I have created a new one.....

www.thesmothermanfamily2.blogspot.com

You may now find us there:)

It is baseball time in savannah!

My boys love baseball. The ones who no longer play on teams still love backyard ball. This household loves backyard ANY ball! Tonight Seth was showing Dad how good a hitter he is (the silly guy can hit any ball thrown well) while Jacob, John and Carlton "helped". John thinking he would improve Seth's swing stepped up to "help" Seth. He helped him swing and miss! Seth turned around and sad "John you do not need my help!" lol! Meaning "I do not need your help"!

Seth hit me once, I am sure my leg is bruised(a hard line drive into my thigh). He hit one that breezed through the hair on Jacob's head! Too close! In spite of injury(lol), we still love the game!

Fairness

I think part of "fairness" is preparedness. If we are prepared, or perhaps informed is a better word, then we can cope better as a whole.

If I know what to expect, then I understand the outcome!

I am, and always have been, very verbal. I spend a lot of time informing and preparing my children. We talk about facts and we talk about what ifs. Preparedness! I do this to myself too! It is a wonder tool to peace. If I have talked to my children about strangers then I can rest a little more peacefully knowing that they informed. I do understand that my children will never be prepared enough for a predator, but they can be prepared for many other situations. I listened to Polly Krauses father talk about the tools we give our children everyday to protect them. Like the buddy system, not accepting food or candy from strangers, what to do if you are lost, what to do if there is a fire.....the "what ifs" go on and on as our parenting goes on. These are the things we do to protect our children. They make much better decisions if informed. AND it seem "fair".

In keeping with this I have taken to talking to my children about other children's mistakes. For many many years, actually until recently, I have never talked about one child's issues with another. But, in light of Sam and Zack and Carlton's behavior, I have decided my family has to be informed! It is fair and it protects them!

Even when I began to talk to sisters and brothers about my trio, I just did not carry over the other issues that you know have to go on in my house! Perhaps not as big, perhaps just as big, and sometimes potentially bigger.

Last week Joseph spoke out disrespectfully to me in front of the little ones. I immediately called him out for it. I corrected him in front of all who were there.....because his comments were made in front of all. I then quietly told him later that anytime he was disrespectful in front of other people.....I would correct him in front of those same people. RESPECT is very important to me! In my mind one of the two most important tools my children must learn! Respect and Ownership!
Joseph came back to me later that evening and apologized and hugged me. I very much appreciated that.

I do think it would not have been "fair" for me to change my rules without informing him. To me, fairness is preparedness. You know what is gonna happen!

Yesterday I had an incident with a teen. Said teen was in the wrong place, doing a wrong thing and lied about it....making one to many wrongs! As I mulled over the issue I talked to John and Sarah in the kitchen about it (sketchily about it). John sometimes, in my opinion, gets overwrought over issues. Even ones he is not part of! I think it is the "unknown" quality. To be informed takes away the unknown for the most part. John also is a thinker. Gosh, I love that! He likes to take it in, to hash it over and come to an opinion....good thinking! Good reasoning skills! But, to John, when he is uniformed, he just does not have enough information to understand. I think this is true with everyone.

This point has made me rethink some of my parenting. We have a "stays in the house" kind of rule. If someone is in trouble, It is not yours to share! If they wish to share the details....fine. Even with that, usually no one knows what is happening. But, how does that help others? It kinda leaves everyone else to make the same mistakes!

My big boys (and girls) are smart! They rarely make the same mistakes twice.

Last night, John asked what would be the teens consequence. I truthfully answered that I was not sure. Not sure for several reasons. One, Scott and I had not had a chance to talk about it at depth. Two, I always leave room for ownership!! Meaning, you get points for the truth and accepting responsibility.

We talked to the teen. Passed out the consequences in private. Later I called John and said "You want to know what the consequences were?"
He did and I told him, "5 days for being in the wrong place, fives day for doing the wrong thing, and 5 days for not telling the truth. So 15 days without the computer." In one of my proudest moments as a mother, John replied, "that's fair". That's all he said. I can tell you that I will continue to share experiences with my kiddos, that is how they understand!! John understood and accepted that consequences can be fair and just. Wow....what a life skill!

On a funny note (not funny to all involved). This whole episode was solved by my Bella. In talking to John yesterday he questioned her nosiness. She really is better described as "informed"..lol. John asked if I thought she could be discreet with information (meaning is she a blabber?)? I then explained that the person in question was in the wrong place....When I asked Bella about it.... she answered. She did not blab it all. She only answered the questions. The only time she spoke without me asking was after I had sent her away(and she was likely listening still) and the teen continued to lie, she later said, "mom, that was not true....__ really was there and they really did do____ and they said to me___." Only when they were not forthcoming did she tell all. I personally think that was extremely "fair" of Bella! She gave that teen EVERY opportunity to make it right and only spoke when it seemed to cast a bad light on her(not bad to me....I could see...but Bella did not give me quiet enough credit)

I have said it a million times and will likely say it a million more. .... This house is full of spies and allies....it simply depends on which side of the law you are on as to how they apply to you! Come to think about it....this house is pretty scary or very comforting!! LOL

Backyard basketball

From the oldest to the youngest, all my bunch love basketball. There is rarely a time when kids are in the yard and someone(s) not shooting. Today I was surprised by Seth and Tori, both of whom can sink baskets!

Inspirational story!

On our trip I had the pleasure of meeting another adoptive mom. She is the mother of 5 adopted teenagers. All single adoptions, some domestic, some international, most newborns, but one older(I "think" that is right...but I could be wrong on the ages and such).

As she shared her story with me I thought to myself "I sure wish I had a tape recorder! What an incredible story!!" A couple of years ago a man and his wife went to Russia to adopt their new baby....while there, the man, an amputee, asked to go to the orphanage with amputees. He was so moved that upon returning home he began raising money to bring these children to the US for families and medical help. This lady, Kim, was a host family for one of these children. The child was a 15 year old boy who was a double amputee, both legs. Immediately they fell in love with him and he became a permanent member of her family. This young man has adapted exceedingly well, he played football(I believe she said a lineman) and brought TV coverage to South Carolina (I think perhaps CNN and a good morning show?) due to his exceptional attitude! This young man speaks to groups of people about his life. He saves all the money he makes speaking and when he has $2000 he is able to bring another child to the States. He personally knows who is coming! He chooses from those he knows and left behind. What a blessing!!! What a story!!

I have thought so much about how people sometimes go on and on about our family. I do have some great kids! I know I do! For me though, we are nothing extraordinary. We are "normal". A good thing, and yet it speaks of being "lukewarm". I think about what that young man can do with his blessings, blessings my boys might see as hardship, and it makes me pray for my guys(and girls) to find that kind of passion! Passion for God, passion for others, this is truly the blessing! A passion filled life!

In the midst of paradise I had a small slice of heaven delivered by a single mom who is profoundly making the difference for her son, and the world!

Sometimes

Sometimes I have pretty busy days......but fun ones....today was one of those days! I dropped everyone at school and headed to the nursing home to visit with Granny Holt. She was dozing in her chair and I was able to fix her new flowers in the vase and place them on the dresser before waking her. Her new outfit she planned on wearing for her birthday party this Saturday is missing the top. She has been sad, she never even got to wear it. Seth and I ran to Peebles yesterday and bought a new top that will match the pants. I took it in this morning for her to look at and try on. She liked it and it fit, so her new (again) outfit is hanging in the closet waiting for party time. We talked until I had to be home to meet Sandy.

Sandy and the boys came to place an order for Chance's pictures. I rode and sat in the car playing with the boys while Sandy placed her order. We shopped and little and I so enjoyed her company!! Sandy is just one of my favorite people:) While in the Tractor Supply store (they have great play animals!) I took our purchases to the check out and Sandy went on to the car with the boys. The checkout lady went on and on about how cute the boys are ( certainly the truth!!)....then she asked if they were my grandsons:) I replied they could be (It would be a stretch, but Sandy is nearly 13 years younger than me), but instead they were my sweet nephews instead:) They left before lunch to grab lunch and go eat with Chad in the "gym"(I think the boys favorite place).

Chelsea arrived at the end of Sandy's visit and met us at the shoe store. I stayed with Chelsea and we shopped a little ($2.01) and then took socks to Caleb at the high school and Tylenol to Sarah. I really do not think my teens realize how much time it takes to do things like that.

Chelsea and I picked up burgers and met Scott at the house to eat lunch. Not sure when we have eaten with just Chelsea? It was nice. She talked about her spring break, which begin tomorrow! She and a dozen other people are going to Orlando to Disney. She is very excited. We went when she and Sarah were young and she went with some friend to help babysit, but this will be her first 'on her own" trip...lol...if you can call being with a dozen other people "on your own"? She spent the afternoon raiding her closet and trying on "summer" clothes. We went to Wal-Mart and bought a few things she needed (and school supplies for littles) and brought it all home.

Chelsea left as I left to pick up school kids! A big busy fun day....that began again at 3pm like most my days!

Homework is now being completed. Rosie just asked me what a "pollytickle party" is? I surmised she was reading Social Studies! We talked a few minutes about "political parties". I wish I could remember all the funny "words" my kids say....but I do try to write on my hand the really funny ones:)

Rain has moved in making our beautifully uncommonly wonderful weather kinda yucky. But it is still warm!! Just no outside playing today. I am not sure about other people, but my children have a very hard time NOT getting into the middle of puddles! I do not think it is unique to my house....but do think the high number of boys increases the puddle jumpin!

The picture above is from pajama day at the elementary school and totally unrelated to anything I talked about:)

Pirates

I took this picture in Grand Cayman. A pirate ship! Funny to see it here, if pirates still lived Grand Cayman would be exactly where the pirates would head! With over 500 banks! Isn't that crazy?

us:)

These are pictures of us:) We did have such a great time!

Just realized the goofy picture has the big Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville sign! We did eat the best cheeseburger in the world at Jimmy Buffets, but no Margaritas (only colas)! The last night on ship was a big sunset party and we were given the lovely costumes to wear you can see in the second picture!

Birds too!

This was likely one of my all time favorite nature shots! The butterfly conservatory had a few birds as well. This one was so beautiful!!

Butterfly conservatory

While in key West Scott and I visited the Butterfly Conservatory. It was so incredible! With nearly 30,000 butterflies all housed in a neat greenhouse! I loved every minute. I was taking pictures and tryong out new camera settings. It was so fun! Of course the most beautful butterflies never land!

I told Scott I bet I had helped with a dozen posters on the "life of a Butterfly", which made the whole conservatory a real treat. They had the cycle on display for all to see...in "real life"...lol!

Rules of the classroom!

Tonight on the way home from church one of the boys "found" a stack of Michael's school papers he had stuffed up under the seat in the van. I had them pass the papers up to me. I was in line at DQ buying dilly bars for my ones that obeyed well in church and more particularly after church waiting for mom to visit......as I looked at the papers I was really frustrated! Michael can do whatever he wishes! But he had some really bad papers in this stack. The most concerning to me was the one that read like this:

"I have a hard time reading. My teacher said I need to read faster. My mom said I read fine. I say my mom is right."

Well, what he thought was a good line did not exactly work out for him as he hoped! Mom was not impressed. Mom did not say any such thing! We all need to continue to get better (as his teacher pointed out as well). Michael assured me that if I asked Mrs Parrish she would agree that he did not write this paper. So while Micheal stood with me I called Mrs. Parrish on the phone. Apologized for calling in the evening and asked if she could tell me about this paragraph? She said, "yes he did write that" at the end of the first sentence. Apparently it kinda stuck with her too! I then told her Michael was with me and he needed to hear me say "Mrs Parrish is right. Mrs Parrish makes the rules in her classroom. I feel certain that Mrs Parrish and I share the same rules for appropriateness, but should Mrs Parrish have a different rule than mom....in the classroom you obey Mrs Parrish's rules!"

Michael truly mortified at being caught cried and cried. He is my tender hearted guy. I do hope this was a lesson well learned!

be patient!

Seth and I had lunch today with Dad and Clara Ruth. We met them at Taco Bell. We were a little early arriving and they were a few minuted late. Seth had a hard time waiting. He kept asking (more to himself and not requiring any answer), "Where are they?....When will they get here? Maybe they are lost? How long til they are here?" I sat in my seat, in truth not saying anything, when all of a sudden Seth turned to me and said what I have said a million times to the kids, "Mom, you just have to have patience!" lol...I thought I did:)

Roast beef

I am a pretty boring cook in comparison to the wonderful chefs on ship! I have never seen roast beef look so interesting! I am not terribly artistic, which is a must on a cruise ship! But, I did love seeing the cool way they presented food!

Who made you??

In the words of Seth "Who made you eat it daddy?" lol...And in the words of Scott "Nobody did!" I, like my children, have a hard time understanding why anyone would eat it! It was a sight to see:) I love seafood better than most people! But not octopus!!

Sunsets:)

The close of day during our trip was always spectacular! No matter where we were, in Ft Lauderdale (first picture), Grand Cayman(middle picture) or Key West(last picture), it was breathtaking! Reminds me of just how amazing creation is! God sees this everyday! It is really hard to see this sunset from Tennessee:) Glad I have pictures!!

Home:)

It is always nice to be home. Everyone did well while we were away. Kelly is the "bomb diggity" (as my kids would say)! She is truly wonderful! I laughed, more people asked about Kelly than my kids:) I gave them glowing talks about my wonderful friend!

Today life was right back in the thick of things here at the Smotherman house. Sarah, Seth and I picked up flowers for his two teachers and Mrs Pat (Love and Learn director) for letting him come to school everyday while I was gone. Seth was in heaven! His best buddy Hayden, was there on Mon, Wed, and Fri. His new best buddy Korey was there on the regular Tues and Thurs. Seth told Chelsea by phone "It's Hayden then Korey then Hayden then Korey then Hayden......" I was so glad he was happy. The only one who would truly be displaced by us being away. As we tried to peal the stickers off the flowers, Seth told Sarah he was doing a better job because he was "using his licky fingers". lol....meaning he was licking his fingers and then pealing. Sarah opted to use the bathroom at school to finish getting them off.

Scott and I brought all the kids something back. Most of them shirts. Ryan, showing he enjoys commercials way to much, argued that his shirt had "Geico's on it, not geckos!"

Sarah had to be in Jackson this morning at the surgery center to have all her pre-op paperwork and blood work completed. We picked Chelsea up on the way and I enjoyed a wonderful day with my two big girls. I don't have them together as much now with Chelsea in college. But, what a joy today was!

Sarah and I made it home in time to pick up everyone. I had several with spelling words to write. Zack showing me reality was still here has been in melt down mode all evening. Tearing paper, yelling, throwing things, and basically not doing any of his work. His response? I will never get it all done! Well, brothers and sisters quickly dispensed of theirs and are now playing outside! But, he is absolutely right. If he does not choose to sit down and do them, it might take forever (or at very least a long time!).

Carlton broke a ground rule while we were gone. His behavior on his charts was very good. But, he manipulated Mrs Kelly into letting him have a spend the night friend due to his good behavior "earning him this privilege". Sarah did tell him no, but let Mrs. Kelly override, deciding to allow Carlton sink his boat. Ground rule in this house "NO spend the night company while we are away" In truth no company at all. But, certainly none spending the night. Ground rule for Carlton, "Do NOT expect a privilege that has not been discussed". This was NOT discussed. Carlton, who we clearly sat down and talked to before leaving understood no privileges would be given by Mrs Kelly other than the following: outside playtime, game boy, or 30 min. computer time. when we talked about the incident? He explained that he earned it! He then conveniently did not remember any of our conversation before leaving! I sent him to his room to think about out conversation. He acted and spoke out in anger and was directed to fill out an anger report. It took roughly an hour and 40 minutes to correctly write it. Now we wait for a sit down with dad. Sad, mostly because my parting words to Carlton were, "You can really earn a lot of trust by obeying while we are gone". I did not follow it with how much he could lose. I chose to think of the positive! He chose to be deceptive. A loss.

Sam is in melt down over his bike, choosing to try to break Daniels bike. Apparently something happened to his while we were gone. This morning I intervened over the argument and Sam was told Dad would fix his bike. But, this afternoon deciding to take it into his own hands and pursue vengeance. In truth it just cut short his outside time as he was sent to shower and get PJ's on.

I can honestly say that none of this is terribly abnormal, yet the trip certainly has my batteries recharged. The fuses of my children have not come anywhere near my new "to the Caribbean and back fuse". I know there are many who cannot "get away" but it is the most reassuring thing to me! It gives me perspective and I can walk back in to the fire fully emotionally protected! What a feeling!!

Key West

We are now docked in Key West. Our cell phones are now back in our coverage area! We talked to the kids this morning. HI(again)! All is well at home:)

We are waiting to be called down to immigration! There it is:) Typing more later about our day!!